SUNNY HERO
by SLYSWN
Summary: AU will be SasuNaru This is the result of what happened after Naruto watched one too many episodes of to catch a predator. He makes it his sole mission to rid the city of Konoha of evil perverts but what if the latest predator isn't a predator at all?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: No I do not own NARUTO…if I did Itachi would have never lied and Sasuke never would've turned into a runway avenger then again there wouldn't be much of a story so it's a damn good thing I'm not Kishimoto-sensei. Uh huh. **

**A/N So perhaps you've read my BLEACH fics…perhaps you haven't…either way this has absolutely nothing to do with those projects …this is just my little way of giving back to the SasuNaru fandom. Can I promise it will be original, fantastic and amazing…nope I can't but give it a try. It's a three-shot AU. **

Lousy title. Lousy summary.

Warnings: Loosely implied SasuxSaku, AU, SLY-Humor, loose-plot, OOC-ness, language, spelling, grammar, switching view points, errors abound …apologies in advance.

THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ

_~SLY~_

Summary: This is the result of what happened after Naruto watched one too many episodes of to catch a predator. He makes it his sole mission to rid the city of Konoha of evil perverts but what if the latest predator isn't a predator at all?

()()

**SUNNY HERO**

**1/3**

**Everyone has his/her purpose-their calling in life. **

**Naruto's is to save the young, the helpless, the vulnerable and clueless from all the perverts flooding the city of Konoha. **

**Sure driving around in a white van with a bright yellow sun spray painted on the back might seem a bit misleading but if it gets the job done than that is all that matters.**

**()**

**In order to catch a predator one has to first get into the mind-put themselves in the predators' shoes for a minute. **

**Or in Naruto's case watch and wait for the opportune moment to strike for some predators are a lot smarter than others and while waiting has never exactly been the blonds' strong suit so long as he has plenty of a ramen and a pot to boil the water in than waiting isn't so bad.**

**How does Naruto go about separating the dangerous predators from shameless perverts? **

**Well the first step he always takes is looking at the guys' shoes.**

**There were three types. Type A. Type B. Type C.**

**Type A guys usually wore worn in sandals or opted to go barefoot-not exactly safe what with the broken bottles and grime and dirt littering the streets and sidewalks but they were idiots and apparently didn't know any better. **

**Still…Type A guys were more or less harmless-a simple slap on the wrist or a slap across the cheek and they would take their grubby-grab hands home to their blow up dolls. **

**Type B guys were notorious for their scuffed boots or high top sneakers. These guys were worse than the type A's-a simple slap would not be enough but spending a night in the jail cell with a bunk-mate named 'Jugo' who commanded the poor bastards to call him 'daddy' usually set them on the straight and narrow…well perhaps not so much the _straight_ since you know…jail plus soap equals…yeah.**

**Still…it was the Type C's that a person-mainly an innocent girl (and on occasion a guy) had to watch out for. **

**Type C's who would strut down the streets in designer dress shoes-typically made out of leather or suede or skin some poor defenseless animal in the wild that was becoming extinct-you know the kind of material that was damn near impossible to clean when wine or blood splattered. **

**And type C's more often than not had clothing and accessories to accompany their ridiculously expensive foot wear-silky ties and scarves, fancy rings and wrist watches-yeah these were the guys that belonged behind iron or steel cages or padded walls with no windows. **

**Every now and then there was an occasional odd man out like the hermit who lived under the bridge and wrote porn for a living but Naruto rather not focus on an occasional error or two since most of the time-98 percent of the time he was spot on in his judgment.**

**Take the latest bastard for example-Naruto's been tailing the guy for a week-watching as the raven-haired pervert (although sometimes when the sunlight would catch his head at certain angles it would give off a midnight blue appearance-not that Naruto cared about details like that or anything-just an observation-nothing more) **

**Naruto's been watching as the raven male somewhere between ages 19-24 comes in and out of the high rise building usually blabbering a mile a minute on his cell-phone. Switching from one language to the next with out barely a pause in between each sentence. Tone varies between cold and clipped to irritated and drawling.**

**The mans' pale skin reminds the blond of the moon during the coldest winter month-his eyes-like deep black pearls found at the bottom of the sea-his walk strong, masculine with a slight tinge of feline grace (even more exaggerated when he climbs the stairs) **

**His entire wardrobe probably cost more money than Naruto has even seen in his life and was clearly tailor made for to fit and form the raven's well sculpted body and strong legs. **

**He's tall but not overly so most likely somewhere between 5'10 and 6 feet. Not that Naruto cares about things like height when he's scouting the city for perverts on the rise. Once again these are just observations-that is all.**

**The aura around the raven is cool, confident, controlled and just below the surface a suggested hit of danger. Well of course the guy is dangerous-he's a pervert. He's probably got a sadistic streak as well. **

**The guy never enters or exits the building with the same person twice (be it male or female) he seems to keep those in and out of his circle at a distance-not granting any one person more of his precious time then he deems absolutely necessary. **

**So sure from a logical standpoint, Sasuke, as Naruto has heard many call the raven, seems like nothing more than an arrogant antisocial jackass who doesn't have time to hit on someone let alone assault them.**

**But Naruto knows better. He has a sixth sense if you will-and so he times it just right.**

**It's 3 in the afternoon on a Friday, the bastard has paid his cab fair, collected his suitcase and is making his way towards the fronts steps leading to the high rise building-as per usual, his expression is somewhere between detached and constipated, seems Sasuke is pissed off with the world once more. **

**He has the tendency to look at his watch-is doing so now-tapping his foot impatiently-seems he is waiting for something or someone.**

**A moment later a lovely looking young woman with strawberry and cotton candy locks waves and runs towards Sasuke.**

**Naruto's aim is to get the perverted bastard not to alarm the innocent green-eyed goddess-so instead of revving up his engine and mowing Sasuke into the pavement with his sunny van, Naruto rolls the window down a little more, sits up a little straighter listens in on the conversation and waits. **

**He taps his fingers on the steering wheel and counts "One-Two-Three Four."**

**The lovely pinkette is all sparkling green eyes and dazzling smile as she carries on a one-sided conversation with the raven-haired pervert, patting his arm or giggling with excitement between every sentence. She's practically falling into a drunken swoon and tripping on her silver kitten heels when Sasuke offers or responds with the occasional grunt or "Hn" or "Fine" or No.**

**Bastard, Naruto thinks, **_'you're going to assault this poor innocent flower (he catches the name Sakura) who worships the ground you walk on and the least you can do is offer her a smile.'_

**Only the very idea/suggestion is ridiculous since Sasuke can't hear him for one and for two he's a perverted bastard and the last thing Naruto's wishes to do is encourage a predator and three, during his careful observations not once has he seen the raven crack a grin or hell even smirk.**

**Even if he did it wouldn't change a blasted thing. **

**It was Naruto's duty to take Sasuke down!**

"**Five-six-seven-eight-wait for it-wait for it and…**

**Now! Right there-the moment the girl turns to walk away and the bastard grabs her by the arm.**

**Naruto grins like a madman, '**_I knew you'd show your true colors sooner or later' _** and turns the key in the ignition, revs of the engine and then presses his foot down on the gas pedal-full speed ahead!**

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: If I could turn to Kishimoto-sensei and ask him to write more moments with Kiba and Naruto I would, alas I don't have the power to do such things…damn.**

A/N Abandoned? NOPE its not! THANK YOU FOR SHOWING YOUR SUPPORT!

Warnings: Loosely implied SasuxSaku, AU, SLY-Humor, DIALOGUE…lots of it, loose-plot, OOC-ness, language, spelling, grammar, switching view points, flashbacks, other pairings hinted/mentioned, errors abound …apologies in advance.

Summary: This is the result of what happened after Naruto watched one too many episodes of to catch a predator. He makes it his sole mission to rid the city of Konoha of evil perverts but what if the latest predator isn't a predator at all?

()

**SUNNY HERO**

**2/3**

()()

_**Sasuke's viewpoint….**_

**Sakura was late. Again. Under normal circumstances this wouldn't matter to Sasuke. Under normal circumstances on a normal day Sasuke wouldn't give one iota about where Sakura was.**

**The strawberry-pink haired gymnast had long since given up on her one-sided obsession towards him and moved on to Sasuke's non-blood related doppelganger Sai. Good riddance thought Sasuke.**

**Except for of course when he needed Sakura's assistance like he did today.**

**Sasuke has never been the most patient of men. No scratch that Sasuke isn't patient at all. Sakura was supposed to meet up with him an hour ago so that they could go over the game plan one more time but she was about as unreliable as ever.**

**Hell Sasuke would have never even enlisted Sakura's help if it wasn't for her freakish strength and quick reflexes-not that Sasuke didn't have confidence in his own skills because he did but it was always better to have some sort of back up or support-especially since rumor had it that they guy he was trying to catch proved to be quite unpredictable from time to time.**

**Konoha City's self-proclaimed Sunny Hero. It didn't sound like a very threatening or bone chilling name but Sasuke knew better than to assume that the blond was harmless just because he looked like the next poster boy for Namikaze Sports Drinks.**

**Sasuke knew better than to let his guard down just because the moron drove around in a stupid ugly ass van and listened to old show tune recordings while he stuffed his whiskered face full of ramen.**

**The blond has been stalking him for quite some time now-foolishly thinking his garish orange sun visor and rainbow colored tracksuits are as inconspicuous as his blue eyes and lemon colored locks of hair.**

**Hah! There's a laugh if Sasuke ever heard one. And the Uchiha has indeed heard a great deal about this Uzumaki Naruto over the course of the past few months.**

**Not by choice and sure has hell not by his own curiosity but rather because of the simple fact that he can't go one day or night with out having clients blowing up his phone and storming in and out of his office to complain, bitch and moan about the blond.**

_**()()**_

_**It started with Hidan…**_

_An ex-con with an ugly temper and a twisted sense of religion. _

_Sasuke only agreed to take the man on as his client out of respect to his older brother Itachi-once upon time the two had been school mates-and unlike Sasuke himself, Itachi was not in the habit of making enemies-but of course that is a story for another time._

_Truthfully Sasuke wished to have nothing to do with the man but it wasn't up to him, it was up to his older brother since Itachi was the president of the Uchiha Corporation and Sasuke was merely just another lowly employee!_

"_Something has to be done thanks to that fucking little shit head I lost half my damn shipment!" A sneer, "And unless you got a couple dozen kidneys lyin' round here I'm telling you now Uchiha, I'll not only sue his ass I'll cut out his spleen and keep it as interest."_

_Hidan was not the type of man to make empty threats-ex con or not. The guy still had a suitcase of illegal firearms in the trunk of his car and carried a switchblade on him at all times. The bastard would not so much as blink a lash in hesitation before making good on his promise. (threat)_

_Sasuke knew this. Knew it well and so he did not scoff or turn up his nose when his client slapped a wad of blood stained bills on the top of his desk and barked out "You'll get the rest when its done!"_

_Sasuke raised a naturally arched brow as he fingered the bills and inquired, "And what exactly is it you want me to do to this man?"_

_Cranberry eyes rolled sky ward and the silver-platinum blond scoffed, "That quirt ain't no man he's an eyesore."_

_Sasuke couldn't stop the slight smirk from pulling at his lips when he noted the way Hidan was now rubbing his shoulder as he continued to gripe._

_**Interesting**_

_**Maybe this was something worth taking a closer look at it.**_

_**()**_

_While Hidan collected his mink coat and black leather gloves he added, "And I'll tell you something else Uchiha, I ain't no damn fag or anythin' but that little shit better learn to watch his mouth or next time I'll shove a whole lot more than just my fist down his throat!"_

_There was cruel twisted grin on Hidan's face now, turning his non-traditional handsome features into something damn near demonic._

_Sasuke was not a coward so he did not shrivel up like a prune or flinch. He'd seen far more disturbing things than a hot- tempered ex-convict. His voice came out detached, indifferent as he told his client "I'll take care of it."_

_**Although truthfully the Uchiha wasn't sure how exactly he would go about doing this…but he'd find a way.**_

_**()**_

_**Sasuke hadn't had as much time to think on it, as he would have liked since not even a half an hour after Hidan left, another person blew through his door.**_

_()_

_This one was a woman._

_But not just anyone woman but another acquaintance of Itachi's-Konan-recently married and expecting a child. _

_Sasuke didn't give a damn about a pregnant woman's problems but he wasn't completely heartless either, especially at the sight of tears._

_So when the normally cool, calm and collected indigo-haired woman came into his office crying out hysterically, Sasuke pulled out a chair and lit Konan's cigarette. She'd clearly been through quite an ordeal and didn't wish to be lectured about how "smoking was bad for the baby"._

_Sasuke steepled his fingers together and waited for the bluenette to calm her self._

_()()_

"_I'm sorry for showing up like this unannounced but Nagato is still out of the country for another week and-_

"_It's fine." Sasuke interrupted. He had no desire to hear any more about Konan's personal life than was absolutely necessary. "I'm afraid my brother is also out of town but I will help you however I can."_

_Konan wasn't one to smile much-not even on her wedding day (Sasuke had seen the video at Itachi's insistence of course) so when she did smile it was kind of a strange sight but not unpleasant. Rather it made the Konan appear softer, more feminine and more approachable._

"_Thank you I was hoping you would say that." Konan opened her handbag and Sasuke figured that the woman was pulling out her checkbook or credit card-he was quite baffled when instead Konan pulled out a package of beef jerky and began snacking on it._

_()()_

_Sasuke didn't want to be rude especially since Konan was actually not so horrible to be around but he didn't exactly feel like watching a pregnant woman's weird eating habits either. And so he prompted her to continue, "You were saying?"_

_Konan glared at him but set her jerky done for the moment so she could share her story, "I was on my way back from a doctors' appointment," there was a twinkle in her eye and she patted her baby bump fondly "We're having a boy!"_

_Uh? Yeah? So? Why should that be of any concern to Sasuke? It wasn't not in the least and so when the Uchiha didn't bother to share Konan's enthusiasm the woman's smile dropped and she glared at him again and then resumed her story _

"_So I was on my way back from a doctor's appointment when all of a sudden I was tackled from behind, not knowing who or what was tackling me and not carrying in the least-my only concern was Yusuke-I did my best to shield him as I defended myself against the little blond tyrant. _

_He was shouting obscenities and accusations," a bitter laugh "Seemed particularly fond of calling me a bastard pervert while he grabbed hold of my hair and kicked my face repeatedly."_

_Sasuke kind of felt like a dumb ass only now just taking note of the multiple bruises and shoe marks on Konan's otherwise flawless face._

"_He couldn't be much more than 19-20 at best-a kid-a brat really but he fought like an animal-a barely controlled beast. He probably would have kept on going if I hadn't fallen down the steps."_

_Sasuke's eyes widened just a fraction of in inch but he quickly masked it over so Konan would not see._

"_Do you want to press charges or do you want me to give this man a warning?'_

_Konan looked torn. Perhaps the idea of motherhood was making her turn soft? Then again Sasuke didn't really care one way or another. He was doing this because Itachi would want him to. No other reason._

"_I was hoping for I don't know a restraining order or something? Or maybe it would be better if he spent some time in community service since as I previously stated he's quite young and I think he's just crying out for attention."_

_**This time Konan did reach for her checkbook. Sasuke leaned back in his chair and suppressed a sigh.**_

_()()_

_The following week…_

_A former college roommate by the name of Kiba knocked on Sasuke's door._

_The Uchiha had been in the middle of watching his favorite show and he wasn't exactly in the mood for company but he knew Kiba had to have come for a good reason so he let the man say his piece before threatening to call for security._

"_Kiba, it's been awhile."_

"_Yeah, yeah look Sasuke you know you're not exactly my favorite person-we only shared a room for about a month-but Shikamaru's not speaking to me right now and Neji-eh well he's not exactly my biggest fan."_

_Sasuke tapped his fingers against his chin and waited for Kiba to cease with the pointless rambling and get to the point of his impromptu visit._

_The man with wolfish looking like features (scruffy chocolate brown locks, slanted equally dark brown beady eyes, imitation tribal tattoos on both his cheeks) untied his sweat soaked red bandana giving Sasuke a perfect view of the large bandage taped across his forehead._

_As always Kiba started his stories somewhere in the middle rather than the beginning…_

"_I was already nervous enough as it was you know?" He scratched at his cheek, "I wanted to do the right thing, make an honest woman out of my girl, spent three of my pay checks so that I could buy Hinata-chan the perfect ring-the world was my oyster-the stars were shining brightly in the sky-Tayuya-san let me take an early leave-I was the happiest and luckiest bastard on earth and I knew I was._

_I wanted to be polite and sit down and eat with Hiashi-san and the rest of em' but I was so nervous all day-barely eaten a damn thing so I stopped in the McHollows drive thru for a quick bite-just a quick bite-wasn't even gonna get a drink or anything-anyway so right as I'm leaning out to give the guy the cash to pay for my food-wham! Light outs! _

_I wake…minutes…hours…days…later in a warehouse or a garage or something and I hear a voice-I ain't an expert or anything but the dude sounded younger than even me you know-but anyway all of a sudden there's this bright light shining in my face and a hand pulling down the zipper of my pants-oh yeah! I forgot to mention the bastard tied me down didn't I?"_

_Sasuke had heard more than enough and so he held up his hand forcing Kiba to stop._

"_What are you asking for, Inuzuka?"_

_Kiba seemed to struggle with his words for a few moments. Sasuke felt the little bit of patience he had growing thinner and thinner as the seconds on the clock ticked by._

"_Asking for? Well nothing not really except- Kiba trailed off and looked down at his purposely mismatched shoes and then back up at Sasuke "I uh I'm not sure how to say this but-_

"_Spit it out. You've already wasted enough of my precious time as it is."_

"_Asshole." It was muttered lowly but the Uchiha heard it crystal clear._

"_Well if you have nothing further to add then you can show yourself to the door."_

"_Wait! Just wait a minute shit man this isn't exactly easy for me to say."_

_Not only was the Inuzuka having trouble finding his words-but he was getting quite worked up now-fists clenching and unclenching-unnaturally sharp and slightly pointed teeth grinding together-it was almost amusing to Sasuke. _

_Although he certainly didn't voice this out loud._

_Instead the Uchiha waited and waited and waited until finally-_

"_I didn't mean for it to happen-hell I didn't even want it to happen-wish I could erase every second of it but the fact is in the end it did happen and I can't change the fact that I got off as sick and twisted as that sounds but he forced me to do it!"_

_Sasuke raised a brow. "Do what exactly?"_

"_You know what I mean man!"_

_True. Sasuke had some vague idea or an educated guess or two but-watching Kiba get all angry and flustered was by the far the most amusing thing he'd seen in quite some time and-_

_Kiba let out a pitiful whine (hardly could be called masculine-hell could barely be considered human) and buried his face in his palms "Awww shit what the hell am I gonna do now? There's no way I can face Hinata-chan or her family."_

_Sasuke didn't care much for drama. Didn't care much for an idiot like Kiba who quite obviously couldn't keep it in his pants even when he was supposedly devoted to one woman._

"_I'm not a therapist Kiba, go cry a river to someone else."_

_With another pitiful, uber pathetic totally and completely non-masculine whine, Kiba knocked over the chair he'd previously been occupying and slid over the desk and got right in the Uchiha's face, gripping at his collar and snarled out an angry desperate "I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO BE MY THERAPIST YOU POMPOUS ASSHOLE! IN FACT I'M NOT ASKIN' YOU ANYTING I'M __**TELLING**__ YOU GOTTA HELP ME!"_

_()()_

**The sound of a high-pitched "SASUKE-KUUUUN!" pulled Sasuke from his memories and back towards the present.**

**The Uchiha narrowed his obsidian orbs at the white van still parked across the street before turning to greet his companion.**

**Well it wasn't a greeting so much as…**

"**Sakura, hn."**

**(Translation: What the hell took you so long?)**

**Although the question wasn't really all that necessary since all Sasuke had to do was take one look at Sakura to know that she'd just left the beauty salon. She'd cut her long strawberry locks, her hair now rested just above her shoulders and curled beneath her chin. **

**The golden shimmer over her eyelids made her emerald green irises pop and she had traded in her favorite khaki skort and red tank for a mini dress and silver kitten heels. Sasuke hadn't seen Sakura looking so girly since their high school days. It was perfect.**

**Sakura fell into her role as the dimwitted fangirl easily and Sasuke had to bite back a smirk, he couldn't afford to be distracted-he had a certain Sunny Hero to catch.**

"**So Sasuke I was thinking since the weather is so nice today wouldn't it be oh so romantic to take a walk along the beach?"**

**(Translation/Secret code for: Instead of giving me that constipated pms face, why don't you tell me how you want me to proceed?)**

**Sasuke glared at Sakura. "…"**

**(Translation: Men don't have PMS. Now shut up and just continue with your next line.)**

"**Oh Sasuke-kun you always know just what to say."**

**(Translation: Could have fooled me.)**

"…"

**(Translation: Stop stalling Sakura and get on with it!)**

"**So Ino is thinking of throwing her party along the coast this year but she totally stole the idea from me. Life is so unfair isn't it Sasuke-kun?"**

**(Translation: So he's across the street in the van with the sun on it right?)**

"**Hn."**

**(Translation: Yes)**

"**And then of course Ino-pig got all pissy and claimed that I stole the idea from her first and that I quote "have never had one original thought in my brain and that my large forehead is just an empty space". I swear she is such a bitch!"**

**(Translation: He doesn't seem all that dangerous to me-I mean he can't even hold his chopsticks properly and look at that he's got a bobble-head frog on his dashboard-I mean who does that?)**

"**Hmph."**

**(Translation: Just because he looks like an idiot does not mean he didn't attack half the damn city. Now stop asking dumb questions and making pointless comments and get into position. It's about to start, I can feel it.)**

"**You don't think I have a big forehead do you Sasuke-kun?"**

**(Translation: What do you mean you can feel it? And stop scowling so much all the time, your face is going to get permanently stuck that way one day.)**

"**Hmph. It's fine."**

**(Translation: Shut up Sakura and just get ready to jump when I tell you.)**

**Everything was running as smooth as could be expected. Another moment or two and the blond would make his move (attack) Sasuke was sure of it.**

"**Really? Oh thanks so much Sauske-kuuun I knew I could count on you. Mumsy always said that some one tall dark and handsome would enter my life and here you are."**

**Sasuke bit back a wince as Sakura dug her cat claws into his arm and let out a girlish (over the top but completely necessary) giggle.**

**(Translation: Okay genius and once we've got him where are we going to take it from there? You're not really gonna dump his body in the river like that psycho suggested are you?)**

**Sasuke hadn't thought that far ahead. Well no that wasn't quite it he had somewhat of an idea on how to deal with the troublesome blond.**

"**Hn."**

**(Translation: I am going to question him first, depending upon his answer well…)**

**Sakura worried her bottom lip. It was clear that his pink-haired companion wasn't completely on board with the plan.**

**On the outside she beamed brighter than the afternoon sun and squeezed his arm and breathed out a dreamy sounding "I can't wait until our wedding day!"**

**(Translation: What if it's not him? What if we're going after wrong guy? What if he's simply at the wrong place at the wrong time and the real culprit is still-?)**

**Sasuke shot Sakura another glare effectively silencing her.**

"**Hn."**

**(Translation: No it's too much of a coincidence and besides I'm not paying you to think Sakura, I'm paying you to help me.)**

**Sakura looked like she wished to protest even further and it was just in time to because the sound of an engine reached Sasuke's ears. It was time.**

**Sakura pulled away and turned to leave (just like they practiced) and Sasuke grabbed hold of her arm (also just like they practiced) pressed their bodies together, tilted Sakura's head just so and…**

**Unpredictable was right. Sure Sasuke had considered that Naruto might do something reckless like jump out of the moving vehicle but this?**

**Well the plan had been to kiss Sakura but that proved to be rather impossible since the stupid blond and his equally stupid van was now coming straight towards them full speed ahead.**

**Sasuke wasn't worried for his or Sakura's safety-both of them had the instinct to jump and dodge out of the way or rather Sasuke dodged while Sakura back flipped out of the way right before (split seconds really) the van crashed.**

**Shit. Itachi was going to kill him.**

**()**

_**After breathing a sigh of relief that Sasuke hadn't even known he'd been holding until now he glared down at the Sunny Hero.**_

_**What the hell kind of reckless idiot was he dealing with? Did the guy have a death wish?**_

_**Sasuke dimly registered Sakura at his side but decided to ignore her for the moment. His gaze still focused on Naruto and only Naruto.**_

'_Usuratonkachi'_

_**Even though the blond had been thrown right through the windshield he was miraculously unharmed, only seemed in a bit of daze as he looked up at Sasuke from his spot on the ground and chuckled nervously "Eh he he I can explain-ttebayo."**_

_TO BE CONCLUDED_


End file.
